And now for something completely different

[/John Cleese]

1) My uncle once: pulled out 11 of my teeth, because he's my dentist.
2) Never in my life: have I kissed a boy (100% Grade-A Certified Dyke, that's me). Or flashed someone. But then, I haven't been to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival yet ;-)
3) When I was five: I was in preschool singing songs about being a soldier in the Army of God.
4) High school was: really, really boring.
5) Fire is: my dad's bread and butter, since he's a fireman.
6) I once saw: the Naked Cowboy in Times Square. Followed by an entire crowd of people in their underwear.
7) There’s this woman I know who: believes absolutely in Revelations and the Left Behind series.
8) Once, at a bar: I danced with a straight boy even though it was a gay club.
9) By noon I’m usually: eating breakfast.
10) Last night: I put together a track list for another mix CD of feministy music. I call them "Guerrilla Grrl" mixes.
11) If I only had: 500 pounds a year and a room of my own. I'm feeling all Virginia Woolf here.
12) Next time I go to church: I'll be watching a cousin get baptised/recieve first communion/get married.
13) The best thing about my last relationship was: she wasn't shy and was a damn good kisser. Mm-hmm.
14) What worries me most: being stuck in Midwest Suburban Wasteland the rest of my life.
15) When I turn my head left: I see the closet door, miscellaneous hats, a shelf, odds'n'ends, my copy of Angels in America.
16) When I turn my head right: I cracked my neck. Fascinating stuff, this.
17) You know I'm lying when: I say "I'm fine," "That's interesting" or "That's nice".
18) What I miss most about the eighties: The Cosby Show.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: Hamlet, probably. But I'd like to be Beatrice, or Rosaline.
20) By this time next year: I have no idea where I'll be. Probably back here, looking for a job, god forbid.
21) I have a hard time understanding: people who don't read books
22) You know I like you if: I try to make you laugh or make fun of myself.
23) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: Jesus. No, seriously, he hasn't zapped me with lightening bolts yet, so he can't be all bad.
24) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: On the Origin of Species, Die Zauberflote, Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Changing History: Women, Power, and Politics [/geek]
25) Take my advice, never: go traveling with large groups of Americans. You'll start pretending you're a Canadian.
26) My ideal breakfast is: my French Breakfast: toast with apricot jam and two bowls of cafe au lait.
27) If you visit my hometown, I suggest you go to: the Loop and the Central West End. It's about as bohemian as we can manage.
28) Why doesn't everyone: mind their own business.
29) If you spend the night at my house: we'll have to be very discreet. The walls are paper thin and it's about as private as a college dorm.
30) I’d stop my wedding: if the government neglected to stop it for me. I am a law-abiding citizen, after all!
31) The world could do without: Tom Cruise.
32) My favorite blonde is: my sister.
33) If I do anything well, it’s: bullshit.
As R said: I don't know what happened to questions 34-43; they slipped off somewhere to have a drink, apparently.
44) And by the way: you're not fooling anybody, Tom Cruise. Come on out of the closet. On second thought, stay in, we don't need your kind of bat-shit crazy.
45) The last time I was drunk, I: watched a 6'4" Australian footballer dance the hula. Quite well, too.

Via my good friend R. at Polarity of Sound