Friday, February 10, 2006

My Plan for World Domination

Step 1: Get included in the The Eighth Carnival of Feminists without even trying. Who ever nominated my porn post, thank you. Wow. I feel exactly like Sally Fields winning the Oscar.

Step 2: Gain followers through the subtle distribution of propaganda. When I was working at the public library in high school, we would get this guy who came in and surrepetitiously left Nazi literature in all the tax forms. Nothing we could do but clean up after him. I have unconciously adopted this tactic with my roommates. The only common room we have is the kitchen, and on the windowsill is a growing pile of French celebrity gossip magazines, Glamour, Vogue, and other various spawn of the fashion industry. It's a ratio of 1:1 of magazines with Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston on the cover. They're kind of communal property; read them at the table, or take them with you and bring them back when you're done. So I've taken to leaving my magazines, like SCUMgrrrls, on the pile. Have passive-aggressively outed myself to my French roommates by placing French dyke mag Oxydo right on top (about time, too. How many months have I been here?)
Anyway, my copy of Bitch magazine went missing for about a week. Score! I don't know who's been reading it, but I suspect it was Val, since it's English language. Which is good. It's my belief that most people are feminists, they just don't know it. Val is a Super Type A Power Woman and would make a kick ass feminist. She's already politicized (she wants to be a diplomat), she just needs to be radicalized a bit.
I've also asked my All-American Girl baby sister to buy me a copy of the February 10th Anniversary issue of Bitch and hang onto it for me (although, if anybody wants to send me their copy when they're done with it, I promise to name my first born daughter after you, even if you're named Earl). With any luck, she'll get really bored one day and start leafing through it instead of her Cosmo and figure out that maybe her hairy dyke big sister isn't that crazy after all.

Step 3: Invent a French equivalent for "Ms." as a form of address. The country that gave us Simone freaking de Beauvoir still only refers to women based on their marital status.

Step 4: Recruit more lesbians. I need to convince Gorgeous French roommate that she's really a very gay femme and get her to dump her boyfriend. I'm kidding! Kidding! Mostly.

First France, then, the world! Muahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha! ::rubs hands in manner of Bond villain::


At 7:07 AM, Blogger Winter said...

You're in the Carnival of Bent Attractions too! Your plan for world domination is getting off to a good start.

At 2:01 AM, Blogger Andygrrl said...

Dude! You like me! You really like me!

You've totally made my week, Winter.

At 3:39 AM, Blogger Winter said...

Lol! Glad to be of service.


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